Home > Answers > Answers with an Agenda 1- Fisting

Answers with an Agenda 1- Fisting

I’m going to begin with a question a friend of mine asked recently, out of sheer ignorance.

Wait, it isn’t just punching it in? So how do you fist someone?

Now, punching is a viable form of fisting, but for inexperienced people I do not recommend it. Well, I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone, but some people do go for it. Actually, the best way to start getting into fisting is using fingers to penetrate. Personally, I’ve found it best to start off smaller, and work your way up to more and more fingers. Also, fisting is NOT something you should just “spring” on someone. Talk about it before hand, they may be very into the idea, they may run away in terror. But talk about it before. Consent is hot.

However, before you begin, first you should have your favorite kind of lube near by. You don’t “have to” use lube, but it is a lot safer, and I’d say more pleasant. Good lubes for this are silicon lubes because they have more cushion and dry out slower, and water-based lubes like Maximus that are thicker. Use throughout this process and generously. Don’t be afraid to get lube pretty much everywhere. Also, latex (or Neoprene, or whatever) gloves should be used for stopping the spread of STIs, as well as helping not accidently scratch the fistee with fingernails. If you have extra long nails, you can put cotton balls in the tips of the gloves to pad them and keep things safe, otherwise it is a good idea to trim and file your nails. Even if you and your partner have agreed to have unprotected sex, for fisting gloves are still a good idea. It helps your hand slide better, keeps even filed nails from accidently scratching, and it also prevents infection if you are anally fisting from getting into small cuts on your hands. So gloves are good. Lube is is great.

So starting off, it is best to go slow with one or two fingers. See how the fistee is responding, feel how tight they are. Maybe you need them to switch positions, or maybe you realize that your wrist is cramping. Better to do this now than later. Once you’ve gotten started using two fingers for a bit, then it is time to build until four fingers are sliding in and out of the person, and you are on your way.

Four fingers can be done two basic ways. The first is a flat hand, with your fingers all in a line, much as if you were slapping them. This gives a nice ‘wider’ sensation, but some people do not like the unevenness of the pressure, preferring a more round tool for penetration. In that case, it is better to move your fingers inwards, so that the tips are pointing towards the same spot, and the pinky is actually crossed over the ring finger. Be careful about hand cramps.

At this point it is a good idea to check in. A “green/yellow/red” system is quite excellent in this case, because it is best to get the clear “go ahead” before going from using four fingers to fisting. Make sure the receiver is both feeling good about how things have gone so far, and also ready for more. Another good piece of advice is to be sensually teasing them with your other hand the entire time, but especially at this point and further, to help keep them in a heightened state of arousal.

Now, with your hand all slick and most the way in them anyways, it is time to start fisting. This is the hard part. Start by putting your fingers into a duck-bill sort of shape:

Then, VERY slowly, not just inch by inch but truly millimeters at a time, start sliding your hand, including your thumb, into the fistee. Watch your partner very carefully, if they start tensing up, stop and wait for them to relax. If they stop enjoying it, slowly remove your hand and try again another night. Again, keep checking in with them. So, you are sliding your hand in very slowly, until you reach about the knuckles of your fingers. At this point, either continue the in and out motion, if that is all they are wanting, or (more commonly) once your hand is in to the knuckles, begin to curl your fingers around your thumb as you keep slowly pushing inwards. Your hand will naturally do this most of the time anyways. This is when you must be extra careful about your nails. This is why gloves, and carefully trimmed and filed nails, are very important. An example of how your fist will be is this:

Alternatively, you can also make a fist with your thumb underneath your fingers. Now, after you finish getting your hand into the fist, pause and let the fistee adjust to the size of your hand. Now you can, again SLOWLY, start moving your fist a bit more in an in and out motion. If the fistee suddenly tightens down, don’t immediately pull out your hand. Pause, and slowly withdraw. For moving in and out, be careful not to completely withdraw your fist.

But mostly, have fun with it! If you and whoever you are fisting with are not enjoying the experience, then move on to something else.

To recap:

  • Gloves are good if you don’t want STIs, or to accidently scratch your partner
  • Start of slow, if fisting into a vagina/front hole, make sure the person is very aroused and already wet.
  • Grab your favorite kind of lube, and use liberally on the fisting hand and the hole to be fisted
  • Place your hand into the beak-esque position
  • Slide in slowly, adding more lube if needed.
  • If you chose, curl fingers back down into a fist
  • Slide hand in and out, though my recommendation is not to pull out completely
  • Enjoy yourselves!

Hope you enjoyed my first Answers with an Agenda. Feel free to comment, and especially ask questions for future weeks!

  1. 05/13/2010 at 8:44 pm | #1

    An excellent post – and one I wish I’d had the chance to read a year ago!

    Can I also recommend reading ‘A Hand in the Bush’ by Deborah Addington, to anyone looking at getting into vaginal fisting. Very easy read, and extremely helpful :)

    xx Dee

  2. Insert Clever Alias Here
    05/14/2010 at 4:53 pm | #2

    Nice post.
    I love you that you used an ASL “t” for the second handshape…

    • 05/14/2010 at 8:52 pm | #3

      Well, insert clever alias here, that’s actually the way you should hold your fist, gripping your thumb either like an ASL “t” or putting your thumb under all your fingers. It shouldn’t just be a “regular” fist, like an ASL “a” or “s”.

      And sign language images are easty to find online. ^_^

  3. 05/27/2010 at 2:11 am | #4

    Nice starter place – I second Dee’s recommendation on “A Hand In the Bush” book.

    We have done this a few times. The biggest thing was, as the fistee, I *knew* I could do it having had babies and knowing their heads are bigger than anyones hands and how much my body can stretch. I think anyone can do it but a few orgasms to warm up helps a lot. :) That and having belief that I could and realising that there can be a hella stretch point to go through. All I can say is worth it, SO WORTH IT!

  4. Jhiera
    05/29/2010 at 12:52 am | #5

    Thank you for the glove tips! They were things I had not considered before.

    Also A+ on the thumb-positioning advice! Another thing I had not considered before.

    Actually, A++ and thank you for this post in general. There’s a lot of really helpful advice I hadn’t known before. Fisting has never really been a turn on for me (slash has always been kind of terrifying), so I don’t know much on the topic, and this was a very informative first-time guide!

    M

  5. Jhiera
    05/29/2010 at 12:56 am | #6

    Argh pressed enter too soon!

    I was GOING to say, my favorite part of your advice guides is that they are full of really pragmatic tips about specific details. You don’t really see that in sex advice articles. Again, lube thickness? Thumb positioning? Why it’s important to wear a glove? That is the type of really specific but REALLY IMPORTANT tip that people do not do, and so I applaud you for doing that!

    <3

    (PS: Miss you lots. You should tell me about your life! Like for example, where did you decide to move to?? NY? RI? The children need to know!)

  6. 05/29/2010 at 2:15 pm | #7

    @ Curvaceous Dee and SapioSlut- I’ll have to look up the book!

    @Jhiera- Those are why I wanted to do this series, because they are the important, but hard to find, details. And, as for where I’m moving, check your email baby.

  7. Christopher
    12/25/2010 at 3:48 pm | #8

    Thank u, ill bookmark it, when go home, i will read!! take a little look on my new blog hxxp://nichtmehr17.blogspot[com]

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