I’m going to begin with a question a friend of mine asked recently, out of sheer ignorance.
Wait, it isn’t just punching it in? So how do you fist someone?
Now, punching is a viable form of fisting, but for inexperienced people I do not recommend it. Well, I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone, but some people do go for it. Actually, the best way to start getting into fisting is using fingers to penetrate. Personally, I’ve found it best to start off smaller, and work your way up to more and more fingers. Also, fisting is NOT something you should just “spring” on someone. Talk about it before hand, they may be very into the idea, they may run away in terror. But talk about it before. Consent is hot.
However, before you begin, first you should have your favorite kind of lube near by. You don’t “have to” use lube, but it is a lot safer, and I’d say more pleasant. Good lubes for this are silicon lubes because they have more cushion and dry out slower, and water-based lubes like Maximus that are thicker. Use throughout this process and generously. Don’t be afraid to get lube pretty much everywhere. Also, latex (or Neoprene, or whatever) gloves should be used for stopping the spread of STIs, as well as helping not accidently scratch the fistee with fingernails. If you have extra long nails, you can put cotton balls in the tips of the gloves to pad them and keep things safe, otherwise it is a good idea to trim and file your nails. Even if you and your partner have agreed to have unprotected sex, for fisting gloves are still a good idea. It helps your hand slide better, keeps even filed nails from accidently scratching, and it also prevents infection if you are anally fisting from getting into small cuts on your hands. So gloves are good. Lube is is great.
So starting off, it is best to go slow with one or two fingers. See how the fistee is responding, feel how tight they are. Maybe you need them to switch positions, or maybe you realize that your wrist is cramping. Better to do this now than later. Once you’ve gotten started using two fingers for a bit, then it is time to build until four fingers are sliding in and out of the person, and you are on your way.
Four fingers can be done two basic ways. The first is a flat hand, with your fingers all in a line, much as if you were slapping them. This gives a nice ‘wider’ sensation, but some people do not like the unevenness of the pressure, preferring a more round tool for penetration. In that case, it is better to move your fingers inwards, so that the tips are pointing towards the same spot, and the pinky is actually crossed over the ring finger. Be careful about hand cramps.
At this point it is a good idea to check in. A “green/yellow/red” system is quite excellent in this case, because it is best to get the clear “go ahead” before going from using four fingers to fisting. Make sure the receiver is both feeling good about how things have gone so far, and also ready for more. Another good piece of advice is to be sensually teasing them with your other hand the entire time, but especially at this point and further, to help keep them in a heightened state of arousal.
Now, with your hand all slick and most the way in them anyways, it is time to start fisting. This is the hard part. Start by putting your fingers into a duck-bill sort of shape:
Then, VERY slowly, not just inch by inch but truly millimeters at a time, start sliding your hand, including your thumb, into the fistee. Watch your partner very carefully, if they start tensing up, stop and wait for them to relax. If they stop enjoying it, slowly remove your hand and try again another night. Again, keep checking in with them. So, you are sliding your hand in very slowly, until you reach about the knuckles of your fingers. At this point, either continue the in and out motion, if that is all they are wanting, or (more commonly) once your hand is in to the knuckles, begin to curl your fingers around your thumb as you keep slowly pushing inwards. Your hand will naturally do this most of the time anyways. This is when you must be extra careful about your nails. This is why gloves, and carefully trimmed and filed nails, are very important. An example of how your fist will be is this:
Alternatively, you can also make a fist with your thumb underneath your fingers. Now, after you finish getting your hand into the fist, pause and let the fistee adjust to the size of your hand. Now you can, again SLOWLY, start moving your fist a bit more in an in and out motion. If the fistee suddenly tightens down, don’t immediately pull out your hand. Pause, and slowly withdraw. For moving in and out, be careful not to completely withdraw your fist.
But mostly, have fun with it! If you and whoever you are fisting with are not enjoying the experience, then move on to something else.
- Gloves are good if you don’t want STIs, or to accidently scratch your partner
- Start of slow, if fisting into a vagina/front hole, make sure the person is very aroused and already wet.
- Grab your favorite kind of lube, and use liberally on the fisting hand and the hole to be fisted
- Place your hand into the beak-esque position
- Slide in slowly, adding more lube if needed.
- If you chose, curl fingers back down into a fist
- Slide hand in and out, though my recommendation is not to pull out completely
- Enjoy yourselves!
Hope you enjoyed my first Answers with an Agenda. Feel free to comment, and especially ask questions for future weeks!
There are some really scary pieces of advice out there on all sorts of things, like masturbation. And this is what makes the internet so fucking awesome and so fucking scary at the same time, we have access to all this information but without a solid filter for sorting through that information. Statistics can be made up, so citations are useful, but in the end the only way to really know if someone is good on what they are talking about is researching yourself. Except that what if you are trying to find out something that the mainstream ‘authorities’ either don’t have information on, or completely disagree with? How do you know what to believe?
I’m just another blogger. No reason for anyone to take my word over someone else’s, as there is no basis for credibility. Actually, not only am I another blogger, but I don’t even pay for my own site. I use WordPress for free. Except that I’ve been thrown time and again into a role of a ‘knowledgeable’ friend. I’ve been the go to for everything from condoms and sex ed to what to do if a friend notices someone self-injuring again. In high school, I gave my doctor a lecture on sex-ed, because she didn’t know a lot about safe sex outside of penetrative intercourse.
So, you might have no reason to believe a word I say, you might have no reason to trust my information, but I’m taking a shot at this anyway. I’m going to be starting a once-a-week entry where I answer questions to the best of my ability. Seeing as I’m not a major blogger, hell I’ve only been doing this a few months and I’m not too big on social networking, I don’t expect to get lots of questions to answer from online. So, I’m going to start with questions I’ve been asked throughout my life.
Tomorrow, there will be an entry. The first of (hopefully) many to come. Except unlike many people I do not claim I am unbiased in my answers. They are going to be Answers with an Agenda. (Okay, title still pending but that was the best I got at the moment.) If anyone has any questions they want answered, feel free to leave them in comments!
Also, for those more tech-savy people out there, does anyone know how to make a sidebar/widget thing for people to submit questions?
The other day, I saw my friend Q, who has had a less than stellar sex life recently. A lot of the reasons behind that are medical, but a while ago we had a conversation about how her gynecologist recommended she and her boy use lube. Actually her gynecologist recommended KY, to which I responded “WHAT?!” and proceeded to explain why she didn’t want to use glycerin water-based lubes. So she got the one KY that was glycerin free, and left it at that not wanting to risk trying something she really didn’t know anything about. So when I saw her, I gave her a packet of information I had grabbed on various lubricants, and a sampler pack (both from A Woman’s Touch and a lot of that/all of that info is online) to expand her horizons. I figured she’d appreciate it, and maybe then would listen to me about how much better stuff was out there.
The day after I saw Q, I got a call. This was rather unexpected, as she is rather busy and stressed. She called to say thank you. Actually, it bordered on shouting. Apparently, I am a life saver. Yes, her phrasing. It was really great to hear, because her voice radiated with the sounds of “I had amazing sex last night,” and it was literally due to me. This was music to my ears, because quite frankly as much as I love Q, that is about as close to sex with her I ever want to come. (Or rather, I don’t want to come. That’s the point. Hush you all, I’m in puberty, I’m allowed to make terrible sex jokes.)
It is amazing what a sex positive friend can do, eh?
That night, however, the tables of life had turned. It was the day of my shot, and one of the side-effects of T that I had heard about, but never experienced, was dryness. I figured it wasn’t going to affect me like that, because though it had occasionally happened in the past, since I started testosterone I’ve rather been in the reverse shoes. S has gotten to always have me very wet until that night. Despite our trips to some fabulous sex stores, despite S and I both having lots of history, neither of us had lube. Despite being horny as fuck, despite her getting me more and more turned on, I stayed dry. And we had no lube to make things go smoother, and generally a bit more fun. Just after saving Q’s life, I managed to not have any around for myself. On the other hand, I am now on a mission to make sure this never happens again, but still… Grawr.
Even more frustrating to me, was that S seemed worried about it at the time because I had never been that dry with her before. That dry? Who am I kidding, I was all but a desert. She read it, probably, as me not being very turned on. And so while I was frustrated about my body’s lack of response to me being very turned on, I was also frustrated that S didn’t know how turned on I was, as well as being frustrated at our lack of preparation in the form of lubricant. Despite all those frustrations, S still got me off, and in quite a good way. But having to tell her that no, I am turned on, T can do that to me, was… uncomfortable.
I’m someone who is really body shy. I know, shocking, right? A tranny uncomfortable with their body is UNHEARD of… ok, dropping the sarcasm. Maybe. But really, it isn’t that I’m unattractive, maybe that would be easier on me. It is the disconnect between me and my body. That was one of the first, if not the first, night my pants were off with S. That alone has me incredibly self-conscious. Needing to explain that I’m actually turned on, that me being dry was a side-effect of T, took a lot from me.
I’m not used to a relationship where I can actually bring myself to say things like that at that kind of time. Either I let people assume things and don’t say anything at all, or I end up doing self-destructive things to avoid ever talking. I’m not used to talking this much anymore. The communication is surprisingly good… if draining.
Things to remember- T can make me dry. Always have lube. Spread the lube word.
I just did my most badass shot ever. It was in the parking lot of a Taco Bell in the middle of Wisconsin. Yeah, somewhere in the state of Wisconsin.
See, I like to do my shot sometime between 4:15 and 5pm. Rather strict about that actually, and so we pulled over and I got out my stuff. S had to help because my car is not exactly conducive to a flat, laid out space, which is what I’m used to. She held things as I needed them, like bottles, and my syringe while I was prepping my ass. Surprisingly, the shot went better than many of mine recently, because though it hurt, which is rare, it also didn’t bleed at all, not even a little red bead.
Things I’ve learned about T from shooting up-
- The needles like their caps better than the syringe. It takes fighting to get the cap off occasionally, and in the process I may jab myself in the face.
- No matter how high your sex drive is, it can always go up.
- Injection site irritation must be ignored, as scratching one’s ass in public is usually frowned upon.
- I really do pass more.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. Going from sex positive store to sex positive store and seeing all these potential resources and books has been a really incredible experience. They have so much fabulous information, so many great books, but not a single one about being FtM. There were books on those on the MtF side of things– cross-dressers, transsexuals, transvestites, trannies, transwomen, etc.– but none on drag kings, and others born with a more female anatomy, unless it is more along the lines of Fairy Butch’s The Ultimate Guide to Strap On Sex. That made me wonder, would anyone buy such a book? Would people want to read about, would FtM, transguys, etc. want to buy a book, going into how to navigate sex with an alternative gender? Maybe it needs to be broader, maybe more narrow, but its a thought for a project.
I’ve decided I want to find a way to work with sex for a living. Preferably through education somehow. Maybe something will come from that idea of a project, maybe not, but its something to think about…