The new year brings in a new post! And a determination to not disappear again.
At 26 inches, this pretty blue riding crop is quite a bit longer than the one I already had (which was more like 13.) I really enjoy riding crops, and had got S to appreciate them as well, so I was quite happy when Fascinations sent me this one.
It has a nicely textured rubber handle that helps keep a good grip, and the shaft is a really beautiful blue, which makes it easier to find admidst my black clothing, floggers, and other such things. The tip is leather, and soft enough that it won’t cause any unexpected, or unintended, damage. Also as it was longer and the shaft seemed thinner than my old crop, I figured it would be swishier (I was right.) All in all, I was ready to enjoy it, and it met my expectations exactly.
What made this crop particularly different from my previous one, is that this crop is very swishy. That swishy translated to more stingy. Now, I don’t usually like stingy toys to be used on me, but I very much enjoy using this crop on others, and have even enjoyed it on myself. It is fairly intense, though that depends in part on the way it is wielded. Also, due to the narrow head, can be used to hit very specific body parts, like a person’s nipples. This application is where I feel the crop excels. Targeting specific spots, like nipples (clamped for the sadists out there) or the clit, creates a delightful sting. I don’t usually like stingy pain but targeted on my nipples this crop caused lots of fun squirming. I couldn’t even pull of pretending to not like it for the sake of protesting, it was fun.
Like any impact toy, please practice on an object like a pillow before taking it to someone’s body. It is important to know how and where it will hit, as well as have some sense of how hard you’re hitting. Also, it’s nice to know how it will feel in your hand. Remember: broken bottom = bad top.
First of all, the ingredients. It is water based, so safe to use with all safer sex materials and toys, and is glycerin free (yay!) but does have parabens (sad face.) Good for me, but if you are sensitive to parabens, probably not the lube for you. (Also, it has Aloe, which I can never quite figure out what it does besides soothe sunburns.)
My favorite part about Pink Water is definite the dispenser. I love when there is no fiddling around with a lid to get more lube, just push down and there it is in your hand. Other than that, I’m not big on the packaging. I’m not really a pink person, and the gendered packaging that Empower Products has for Pink and Gun Oil bothers me (because they gender those two in a stereotypical way.) Pink Water does not have to specifically be gendered, but it says “water-based lubricant for Women.” Pink does not automatically mean women! (Although, my main association with the color pink is CodePink… but that is another story.) But the branding and the parabens are probably the only two problems I have with it.
Because I really do enjoy this lube. I like the texture, the thickness, and I think it lasts a lot longer than the sliquid lube I use most often. It is definitely thicker and has more cushion than the sliquids I’ve tried (that would be most) and it lasts nicely for a water based lube. Also, like other water based lubes, when it dries out, water, more lube, or saliva will reinvigorate it.
There isn’t any smell, which is nice; however, the taste isn’t so great. It tastes a bit bitter, though I personally think it is better than Maximus on that front, it definitely does not have Maximus’ cushion. But I like the texture better because it definitely feels like a water based lube. It feels like water, just in a thicker, more cushioned way.
Lube was something I never used to need much of, because until I started on testosterone, I didn’t need it very often. Now though? It’s become important. And it does feel great to use. So, if you aren’t sensitive to parabens, and are looking for a good water-based lube, I’d highly recommend Pink Water.
Thank you Fascinations!
So, you have some ideas about what to do with that lovely other cunt-owning new partner, you’ve played around, but… to quote the fabulous movie Better Than Chocolate, “What’s with all those toys?” Actually, this is still a continuation from the last two weeks’ question:
How do two girls have sex? (Or… two people with cunts)
Because “lesbian sex” is very associated with toys, I figured I’d go into a bit about said toys. The reason there are so many toys great for cunt owners could be because of our society’s obsession with dicks, and so not having one requires “more” effort, ingenuity, or something. I’d like to think it is because we’ve gotten really inventive and are having a blast making toys.
Maybe your partner really enjoys you rubbing their clit, but after an hour your hand is tired. This is why vibrators were invented (well, sorta.) There are a wide range of vibrators great for getting them off, from the super-intense hitachi to the cute caterpillar.
Yeah, I’m amused by it. Anyways, a very important issue with vibrators is the intensity. Too light, and you can’t feel anything. Too much, and it can be painful or distracting. A recommendation I’ve heard is turn on the vibratory and touch it to the tip of your nose. If you sneeze, it is too intense. I don’t find this particularly useful myself, finding that I prefer something stronger than that, though usually less intense than the hitachi, so a variable speed vibe is often a great investment. That way, you can pick up the intensity or lighten up depending on the day and what you and your partner feel like.
Then there are the dildos. They come in all shapes and sizes and colors, but I would say the most important thing is the material (see below.) Dildos can be realistic, in color, hardness, etc, or they can be delightfully non realistic. You can pick your prefered size, color, texture… so if realistic dildos sketch you out (I was on the border of being squicked by them for years) you can get something that only has a superficial resemblance to a bio-cock. As far as sizing goes, there are two considerations, (insertable) length and width. It is better to er on the side of too long than too short, because you can always not slide it in all the way, but it is not fun to have too little length. Width depends, some people are “size queens” and love something very thick. Personally, I’m set with the small end of the pure wand, so I prefer the narrower range of toys. It just depends on the person. Shape matters a lot. If your partner enjoys g-spot or c-spot stimulation, something with a nice curve is probably up your alley (like said aforementioned pure wand.) Some people like their dildos textured, others smooth. That is also where material is a good thing. Some can even be worn strapped on.
Strap on harnesses have two main styles. They either come in G-string style, which look a lot like thong underwear, or two-strap style, which look like a jock strap. They range in materials, leather, fake leather, rubber, latex, etc. I’d recommend something that feels comfortable to you. Though a lot of people seem to love the g-string style, I like the two string because it enables a lot more access to the wearer’s cunt while they are wearing the harness. You can also tie a rope harness, if you happen to have rope around but no harness (great for those of us who like bondage.) The other advantage to rope is that you can make it according to your size, whereas bought harnesses do not fit all body sizes and types, so pay attention when buying.
There are also ‘harnesses’ for other areas of the body, from hand harnesses, so you don’t have to grip the dildo, to thigh harnesses, making grinding against a person’s leg even more delightfully fun. Keep an open mind is all, as some people can be rather taken aback the first time they encounter a chin harness.
In addition to dildos, there are anal specific toys. The most important, basic rule of ass toys is that they need a flange on the end. Something to stop the toy from continuing to get pulled up into your ass. The ER doctors have probably seen it before, but do you really want to be that person who went to the ER for shoving something up their ass and getting it stuck? Not to mention, such things can tear the lining of your intestine. So, make sure it has a flange! Also, see below on material safety. Butt plugs come in a variety of materials and sizes, go for what sounds good to you and your partner. If the person being penetrated hasn’t done much or any ass play before, start small, go slow, and use lots of lube. As in, go overboard. Better than too little, really. Anyways, in addition to butt plugs and dildos, there are also anal beads, which when pulled out can simulate orgasm sensations, thus a large part of their appeal. Make sure however, that the beads are connected by silicone or other safe material. Beads strung together on actual string is a terrible plan, as all kinds of nasty bugs can lodge in the string.
With all toys, however, you need to pay attention to the material that it is made out of. Sex toys are best when made from non-porous, non-toxic, and phthalate free. Such materials include medical grade silicone, metal, and glass. Now, sex toys shouldn’t be porous because then they are not able to be disinfected, which means you can pick up not only STIs, but also yeast infections, or even a cold. Non-toxic toys ought to be used for the very simple reason that toxic materials should not be in contact with your body, let alone genitals, and soft mucous membranes such as the inside of a cunt. Phthalates are a specific type of toxic material that has been banned from children’s toys in the US, so making sure a toy is specifically phthalate free goes a long way for the toxicity problems.
Metal and glass both have the advantage of being incredibly smooth, meaning that much less lube goes a long way. They are often very pretty as well. However, they have zero yield, and though it is often a boon to some people, the hardness can be both too intense and no as much fun for others. Also, it can be easy to bruise with them. Silicone ranges in hardness, from traditionally very hard silicone toys, to the delightfully giving Vixskin. One other quick thing about material is that it is a bad plan to use silicone lube with silicone toys. The lube will alter the toy in bad ways, creating a ‘melting’ sort of effect. Just something to watch out for.
Material is not the only place to be extra careful about safety. There are a few very important things to keep in mind. First of all, never take a toy directly out of someone’s ass and shove it in their cunt. The toy needs to be cleaned off first! If you don’t want to have to clean toys? Use condoms. It is a great, effective, and easy way to share toys between holes, and between partners in a quick manner without having to boil or bleach said toys each time.
Maybe though you prefer sensation play. A feather can be a great sex toy, as can soft fur, or a nice flogger. The limit on what can be a sex toy is mostly limited by your imagination and preferences. Open mindedness and creativity really pay off.
So, that is a brief overview of sex toys. There is so much to say, I’m going to leave it at that, but if you want to know more, try finding a good, sex positive store in your location. You can not just browse, but ask questions, get help, and even fondle the toys you’re looking at! There are great stores in Seattle, San Fransisco, Denver, New York, Chicago, Madison (WI), Baltimore, and plenty others! Definitely worth investigating.
Am I actually on the fourth one of these? Really? Damn time flies. Anyway, for this week, I’m going to cover something very basic, very important, and useful for all kinds of fun sexual activity.
What kind of lube should I use?
Well, it depends on what you are doing, what you want, and a lot is just plain personal preference. So experiment! Try different lubes! I’d recommend looking at places like Babeland, Good Vibrations, Fascinations, A Woman’s Touch, Sugar, Early to Bed, Smitten Kitten, and other such sex positive places.
I’m writing this entry, because sex is messy and fun, and frankly, I want more of this:
And less of this:
No matter how pretty the desert is, not exactly what is best for maintaining your fun and your body’s health.
Most of the lubes you find in the drugstore fall under this category, but not all water based lubes are made the same. If you are someone who owns a cunt, watch out for water based lubes with glycerine (a type of sugar.) Sugar + cunt = yeast infections. Or at least, an increased risk for them. For people prone to yeast infections, avoid lubes with glycerine in it (such as most KY, Astroglide, and a lot of flavored lubes.) Another thing to be careful about is whether or not there are parabens in the lube, which beyond having some potential carcinogenic properties, some people are allergic to them. And most people don’t want an allergic reaction when you’re getting down, do you?
Now, for more fun discussions. Water based lube is great for playing with cunts, and often for anal play as well. But, as is obvious above, not all water based lubes are made equal, so what you use is based in part on what you’re doing and what you like. For instance, if you’re going down on someone maybe you are looking for a glycerine free, flavored lube (that is actually a vegan, gluten-free, glycerine and paraben-free lube. Try it, S will testify to it being tasty.)
Regardless, there are two key things I’d say to think about with water based lube. 1- How thick do you want it? (sometimes thicker is better, sometimes you want something more light and slick.) 2- Do you want it to sink into your skin (and essentially moisturize) or to stay right at the spot you put it and stay slick? Moisturizing lubes are great for long-term health of the skin but sometimes you need the lube to stay right THERE.
For a thicker water based lube (which is great for anal play) try checking out Maximus. For a lube that moisturizes, and even will leave your cunt feeling better after than it did before, try Liquid Silk. If you’re avoiding chemicals like parabens, Sliquid Organics are often really good. Actually, I’m a big fan of just basic Sliquid H2O, which is also paraben free.
Silicone Based Lube:
If you are not playing with silicone condoms, dams, or toys, silicone lube may well be the way to go. The reason for this is that they melt the surface of silicone, or even a lot of other rubber materials, so be careful. It is totally safe though for latex (condoms, toys, or clothes.) They don’t use glycerine, so that is all happy.
Silicone lube is often prefered for anal play, because it tends to be thicker (and is still condom safe.) Even more important, silicone does not absorb into the skin, so it often lasts a lot longer than other lubes, while still being safe for condoms and gloves, and the thickness is nice. Some people can have reactions to silicone, and some people (like S) just aren’t very fond of it, so try it out and see what you think!
If you want to use lube that tastes good , silicone is not the way to go. Unlike a lot of water based lubes, silicone doesn’t taste that bad, but it also doesn’t have the delectable varieties of flavors out there. Unflavored, silicone aces. Tasty? Not so much.
Another time silicone is better flat out than water based lube is in a situation with water. If you are playing in water, water based lube will dissolve. Seems obvious maybe, but important. Generally be careful about playing in water, but if you are going to do it, and are going to use lube, use silicone. It will stay on much better.
I don’t have that much experience with silicone lube, but that is in large part because when I use lube it is usually in conjunction with toys. However, the from the times I have used it, it can be fun, with a really nice cushion!
For masturbation with a bio-dicks: Admittedly, this is no where NEAR my area of expertise, but I have done a lot of general research and I’ve heard good things about Gun Oil (it’s a silicone lube, so not with toys!) and Stroke 29 (an oil lube, so not with condoms or cunts.) Stroke 29 has intrigued me since I heard about it, apparently around the 29th stroke it completely changes texture. Hmmm, maybe I should find a boy to play with and use this? Regardless, this is where oil based lubes are actually viable, as they should never be used with condoms or with a cunt.
So when should you use lube? It can be helpful in all kinds of circumstances. Masturbation can be far more pleasant with the added slickness, regardless of any body type. Penetrative sex is much easier and more pleasant with lube, especially if it is either a dry-ish cunt or an ass being penetrated… then lube goes from being fun to being an important part of safe sex. With oral sex, lube can be a fun addition, from sensitizing the underside of a dental dam, to adding a fun flavor to a cock (silicone or bio.) Actually, putting just a little (and here little is important) on the inside tip of a condom can greatly increase the pleasure.
- Amazon.com often has good lube for cheap. Investigate what you want to try, and then order from amazon and you can often get free shipping.
- The lubes you can buy at most drugstores are usually pretty terrible. There are FAR better ones out there, use those. If you don’t know what those are, ask helpful people (like me! or people at sex positive stores…)
- Silicone lube should never be used with either silicone toys or condoms/dental dams. Pay attention to your materials.
- Oil lube should never be used with latex ANYTHING (be it condoms, dams, or clothes) nor should it ever come near a cunt.
- Water based lube often have glycerine. Be careful.
- Experiment, figure out what you like… but most of all
- HAVE FUN!
Another GREAT resource to check out is from A Woman’s Touch, which is a fabulous sex positive store in WI. The have a wonderful brochure that covers all kinds of information, and their .pdf version has this fabulous table on it:
It covers even some of those more common, pretty terrible, lubes. Though, it is important to note that Astroglide has come out with a glycerine free lube. My own personal theory is that since Astroglide has been sponsoring Tristan Taormino, she convinced them to come out with a glycerine free lube. Maybe not, but I’d like to think that about her.
Another quick thing, there has apparently been a study done that says that certain lubes may increase risk for HIV/STI transmission. Charlie Glickman has a great response to this study. The study missed a LOT, and didn’t seem to in any way accurately compare what effects lube has compared to the tearing that happens when people don’t use lube for anal sex. So it is something to keep on the radar, but also not something to be particularly afraid of.
Regardless, I think I should leave with this quote from my friend Q, on my introducing her to new lubes, like Liquid Silk: “You are a life saver… I had amazing sex last night.”
The other day, I saw my friend Q, who has had a less than stellar sex life recently. A lot of the reasons behind that are medical, but a while ago we had a conversation about how her gynecologist recommended she and her boy use lube. Actually her gynecologist recommended KY, to which I responded “WHAT?!” and proceeded to explain why she didn’t want to use glycerin water-based lubes. So she got the one KY that was glycerin free, and left it at that not wanting to risk trying something she really didn’t know anything about. So when I saw her, I gave her a packet of information I had grabbed on various lubricants, and a sampler pack (both from A Woman’s Touch and a lot of that/all of that info is online) to expand her horizons. I figured she’d appreciate it, and maybe then would listen to me about how much better stuff was out there.
The day after I saw Q, I got a call. This was rather unexpected, as she is rather busy and stressed. She called to say thank you. Actually, it bordered on shouting. Apparently, I am a life saver. Yes, her phrasing. It was really great to hear, because her voice radiated with the sounds of “I had amazing sex last night,” and it was literally due to me. This was music to my ears, because quite frankly as much as I love Q, that is about as close to sex with her I ever want to come. (Or rather, I don’t want to come. That’s the point. Hush you all, I’m in puberty, I’m allowed to make terrible sex jokes.)
It is amazing what a sex positive friend can do, eh?
That night, however, the tables of life had turned. It was the day of my shot, and one of the side-effects of T that I had heard about, but never experienced, was dryness. I figured it wasn’t going to affect me like that, because though it had occasionally happened in the past, since I started testosterone I’ve rather been in the reverse shoes. S has gotten to always have me very wet until that night. Despite our trips to some fabulous sex stores, despite S and I both having lots of history, neither of us had lube. Despite being horny as fuck, despite her getting me more and more turned on, I stayed dry. And we had no lube to make things go smoother, and generally a bit more fun. Just after saving Q’s life, I managed to not have any around for myself. On the other hand, I am now on a mission to make sure this never happens again, but still… Grawr.
Even more frustrating to me, was that S seemed worried about it at the time because I had never been that dry with her before. That dry? Who am I kidding, I was all but a desert. She read it, probably, as me not being very turned on. And so while I was frustrated about my body’s lack of response to me being very turned on, I was also frustrated that S didn’t know how turned on I was, as well as being frustrated at our lack of preparation in the form of lubricant. Despite all those frustrations, S still got me off, and in quite a good way. But having to tell her that no, I am turned on, T can do that to me, was… uncomfortable.
I’m someone who is really body shy. I know, shocking, right? A tranny uncomfortable with their body is UNHEARD of… ok, dropping the sarcasm. Maybe. But really, it isn’t that I’m unattractive, maybe that would be easier on me. It is the disconnect between me and my body. That was one of the first, if not the first, night my pants were off with S. That alone has me incredibly self-conscious. Needing to explain that I’m actually turned on, that me being dry was a side-effect of T, took a lot from me.
I’m not used to a relationship where I can actually bring myself to say things like that at that kind of time. Either I let people assume things and don’t say anything at all, or I end up doing self-destructive things to avoid ever talking. I’m not used to talking this much anymore. The communication is surprisingly good… if draining.
Things to remember- T can make me dry. Always have lube. Spread the lube word.
I just did my most badass shot ever. It was in the parking lot of a Taco Bell in the middle of Wisconsin. Yeah, somewhere in the state of Wisconsin.
See, I like to do my shot sometime between 4:15 and 5pm. Rather strict about that actually, and so we pulled over and I got out my stuff. S had to help because my car is not exactly conducive to a flat, laid out space, which is what I’m used to. She held things as I needed them, like bottles, and my syringe while I was prepping my ass. Surprisingly, the shot went better than many of mine recently, because though it hurt, which is rare, it also didn’t bleed at all, not even a little red bead.
Things I’ve learned about T from shooting up-
- The needles like their caps better than the syringe. It takes fighting to get the cap off occasionally, and in the process I may jab myself in the face.
- No matter how high your sex drive is, it can always go up.
- Injection site irritation must be ignored, as scratching one’s ass in public is usually frowned upon.
- I really do pass more.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. Going from sex positive store to sex positive store and seeing all these potential resources and books has been a really incredible experience. They have so much fabulous information, so many great books, but not a single one about being FtM. There were books on those on the MtF side of things– cross-dressers, transsexuals, transvestites, trannies, transwomen, etc.– but none on drag kings, and others born with a more female anatomy, unless it is more along the lines of Fairy Butch’s The Ultimate Guide to Strap On Sex. That made me wonder, would anyone buy such a book? Would people want to read about, would FtM, transguys, etc. want to buy a book, going into how to navigate sex with an alternative gender? Maybe it needs to be broader, maybe more narrow, but its a thought for a project.
I’ve decided I want to find a way to work with sex for a living. Preferably through education somehow. Maybe something will come from that idea of a project, maybe not, but its something to think about…